Changes

Jason has been gone for almost 3 weeks for his annual training so I have had plenty of time to myself. It was nice for a couple days but quickly got old. Taking care of Oakley Bear, cooking, cleaning, and doing all of the laundry and grocery shopping by myself is not easy. In fact it sucks! What makes it even harder is feeling like I'm doing it alone emotionally too. I only got to talk to Jason on the phone for a few minutes last week. It was so nice to hear his voice. But now I'm ready for him to come home. I dread the day he is deployed because once again I'll be left to deal with "life" on my own- except for at least 6 months instead of 1. I don't really resent Jason for joining the military- even though it may sound that way. I more resent the fact that every one's "life" goes on while I feel like mine is put on hold. I guess we all have to make sacrifices in life and maybe this is mine. It doesn't mean I like it.

As I'm writing this I am thinking to myself, "Who is going to read this?" and I answer my own question with, "Probably no one". I do have a whopping TWO followers. Why do I even have a blog? I obviously don't update it very often but why do I update it at all? hmm... I guess that sums up my attitude today.

I felt this way when Jason was away at boot camp too. I actually completely deleted my Facebook because of it but then started a new one when I felt I was "ready". I guess I just felt like I was wasting my time updating my status. If anyone gave a damn what my status was then they'd call me. I realize as I write that that it makes me a hypocrite. I could call my friends and family too but instead I check Facebook to see what going on in their lives. It's sad how our relationships are becoming so impersonal. I don't have to leave my house or pick up my phone and I know what all my friends are "up to". Now let me remind you- whoever you are- that I already admitted that I was a hypocrite when it comes to this matter. So what can I do to change this issue for myself? I guess I could delete my Facebook, delete this blog that no one reads and I'm pretty sure don't even know it exists, I could be a better friend by calling each one of them up and ask how they are doing... But that sounds exhausting and even more time consuming than logging on to Facebook and just reading their updates and viewing their photos.

Maybe I just need to start trying to be more involved in my life, my families life, and my friends life and get OFF Facebook... hmm...

Love

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" - 1 Corinthians 13

what freedom means

Even though I know my husband will not be happy when he finds out, I watched Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience because I have a desire for understanding and knowledge. One day my husband will have his own story to tell and I hope and pray that it is nothing compared to what the men and women in this documentary have to say. The media is doing the American people a great injustice for not telling us the truth of what it means to sign your rights away to the military. However, I do not believe that any one of us can truly understand what it means until we've had an AK pointed and fired at us. I think that every one of us should educate ourselves. The resources are out there. We need to stop believing that war is this Hollywood creation. These are OUR men and women, who are not anything different from us, out there making life changing decisions every day. The word "hero" is so small compared to these people who fight for our freedoms. It is so sad to me to hear these stories. I cried during each one. These stories are bigger than anything I had ever imagined. I've met people who have faced death and I have heard what life is like for them when they come home and have to adapt this a naive nation. It was saddening to hear that some men and women do not tell people that they've been to Iraq and Afghanistan because of the lack of knowledge so many people have. "Oh that's cool". No. It wasn't cool to anticipate being killed. It wasn't cool to take someones life even though you were sure they were not harmful. But the enemy does not have a face. Shoot or be shot at. Grateful doesn't even compare to how I feel.

Thank you to the men and women who are willing to make the biggest sacrifice for people who do not appreciate their freedom. Freedom to me means not having a story to tell.