Always In My Heart

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my aunt Heather who passed away in September of 2007. Sometimes I forget that she is gone because it still doesn’t feel right. I miss going up to Oakley to visit her. She was one of the funniest people I will ever know. I have so many memories of her and hold each one close to my heart.

It’s been almost 3 years since she passed. I remember when I found out that she was in the hospital. I was driving to work and my dad called me. He told me that he didn’t know much but that he knew it wasn’t good. When I got off the phone I thought I would just continue driving to work but then reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I think I ran a red light or cut off everyone when I was making a left hand turn. I don’t know what I was thinking. I started panicking and all I could do was cry.

It wasn’t unusual for Heather to be in the hospital because she had Type 1 diabetes. She had been thru so much! Dialysis, kidney transplant, heart attack, you name it… I think that is why when I first got the call I just figured everything would end up being okay. There were many times people thought she wouldn’t make it but she always surprised everyone. But when I got off the phone nothing felt right.

I think visiting her in the hospital was very hard. I got to see firsthand just how bad she really was. She was basically brain dead and her body was shutting down. I am not sure what had happened but I think the doctors said she had a heart attack and no one found her for over an hour. It’s hard because you still have hope even tho you see the helpless body lying in front of you. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her. I’m still not ready. Although I had many good times with her- I felt it wasn’t enough. I still need her.

Even though she is no longer in my life I can remember her by the memories I have. There are so many that come to mind at once. When we visited her in Oakley she would let us ride her four wheelers on the property in front of their house. It was so much fun. She was always up for having fun. Even when you knew she wasn’t feeling very good. She didn’t let it get in the way of having fun too often. I have this image in my head of her sitting on the floor or bathroom counter curling her hair. I have early memories of her perming her hair too. I can hear her laugh. It was a laugh you will never forget. I can see her eating Arbys and drinking a Dr. Pepper. Sometimes when I am thinking about her I will go get an Atbys sandwich and put my “fat pants” on. She always talked about putting her “fat pants” on. Its funny because she was TINY! I remember going on frequent road trips with her down to St. George. There were many times where she couldn’t see where she was driving (symptom of diabetes) so my sister, Chelsea, would take over the wheel while Heather pressed the gas and brake. I plan to share more memories of her in the future.